sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
