My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
