apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
