Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
