She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
