I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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