I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
