Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
