Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
