My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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