He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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