i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
