i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
