next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
