Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize