Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
