Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
