Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
