And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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