The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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