I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
