They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize