i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
