R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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