The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
