He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
