WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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