You can't special order awesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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