i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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