I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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