So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
