idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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