I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
