WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
