You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
