guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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