He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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