Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
