No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
