Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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