I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
