I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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