you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
