do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
