I met the friendliest cop last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
