Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Semen is not good for contacts.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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