please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
