i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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