i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
