he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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