so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
