And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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