Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
