i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
