24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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