Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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