I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
