How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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