I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
