i just google imaged poop.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
