I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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