i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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