i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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