Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
