i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
