remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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