We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
