Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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