never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
