i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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