I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
