I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
