i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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